Virtual Dating

So like most Americans I was conned by the eHarmony commercial and joined. Well to be fair a friend of mine joined and is currently dating and sleeping with a fireman, he has 2 children under the age of 2 so I'm not convinced he's not actually married but I haven't had a date in 6 months so I can’t exactly get all judgy. One very lazy afternoon a commercial came on to join for a free weekend so I thought I would check it out. After about an hour of answering at least 500 questions I'm ready to be matched up. That's when I find out that this glorious free weekend does not actually allow you to view your marches photos. Now I get their whole premise where they want to match you on this whole deep, we have so much in common level, but let's be honest I'm not going on a date with anyone without checking out their photo first and not too many other people would either. Needless to say I felt kind of duped.


Then my laptop died and the whole matter seemed mute. But they kept emailing me match after match and the anticipation was getting to me, damnit! I wanted to see these men that could all be my future husband! Joining however cost $40 a month at a 3 month minimum. And since in 3 months I could be living in a cardboard box it seemed like an excessive expense I didn't really need. But those damn matches kept coming day after day! My friend told me she'd found a coupon online and joined for just $20 a month. That seemed much more manageable so I searched for the coupon and if course I couldn’t find it. So I decide to send them an email, explain that I was interested in joining but could only commit to one month and they emailed me back saying that they would not let me join for just a month. Communists

And the matches kept coming day after day and I just knew I was missing out in my future hottie hubs like the guys on TV. So I asked my friend to find her coupon number, she found it and I tried it and guess what? It didn't work. A week or so later eHarmony sent me an email and said that they would allow me to join for 1 month after all for $60. SIXTY DOLLARS!! I thought they were just being mean now, enticing me with the prospect of love and regular sex, reeling me in and then throwing me back. So I wrote them a very thoughtfully worded email reminding them that not only am I unemployed but I have a friend that joined for only $20 a month and that was the deal I wanted. Guess what, they gave it to me. I had to agree to 3 months still, but it seemed like a fair tradeoff and frankly I wanted to check out those pictures!

So I checked the pictures and guess what? My matches were BAaaad. I'm talking beer bellied, bald, 50 something year olds with names like Barry, Stu, Jerome, Ira, and Bert (and those are some of the good ones), and they live in NJ. After all of that this is what I'm rewarded with?! I have since learned that you can adjust the age and location even though they warn you against it. So I have been communicating with a couple of guys now and frankly the back and forth communication process is annoying as hell and my patience has worn thin waiting to reach the end. They make you send each other questions, and then likes/dislikes it takes weeks! One guy called me and within the first 5 minutes I was bored. We are supposed to go out soon but I don't think I want to bother. Plus every time he guy calls me he blocks his number, which strikes me as odd. I mean it's not like I'd be calling him, but if you are a guy on a dating site looking for your soul mate would you be blocking your phone number? Maybe he's a cereal killer? But my guess is it's nothing that exciting. These days when my matches arrive in my in box I can wait to see them. It gives virtual dating a whole new spin because at this point checking out my so called marches makes me extremely happy I'm not actually dating.

Volunteering (Part 3)

After my bizarre experience with the crazy cat lady I went to the humane society and asked them about volunteering. They are a no kill and veterinary clinic. During my interview I asked them about normal adoption procedures to clarify for myself if the rules and restrictions she had were actual practice and I found out that most of them were not.

I'm working there 3 days a week now. I help feed the animals, walk dogs and socialize the cats. Chasing cats around for 4 hours us exhausting and so fun. The animals are really sweet and the people I work with are kind and caring. It's hard to hear stories about how some if the animals had been abused or ended up there because their owners were evicted from their homes. The other day a woman from the called and said her yorkie had been attacked in the park by a pit bull and she thought it was dying. They told her if she brought it in they would treat it for free. She said she might bring it in, I'm still haunted by the fact that she opted to just let her dog die a painful death at home instead of bringing it in for help. The stories are sad but the office is professional and real animal lovers.

I love my 2 volunteer jobs and feel great about my contributions, if only doing this would pay my rent.

Volunteering (Part 2)

You may or may not know this about me but I've always been involved with politics. My father was a City Councilman in GA for 7 years and a prominent figurehead in the community. I was a political science/prelaw major as well as being an elected student senator in college. I worked on the 2004 presidential primaries with General Wesley Clark. I was a paid employee of the Kerry presidential campaign and have worked on fundraisers for Hillary Clinton.

So when I was considering volunteer opportunities to get involved with I naturally turned to politics and thought about the campaign for mayor of NYC. I called a friend who worked on Hillary's presidential campaign and he referred me to some people on the Bloomberg campaign. I knew it was a long shot that they'd give me a jib more challenging than stuffing envelopes but they have me assisting the Volunteer Coordinator. It's a different experience than a presidential campaign and working without worrying about fundraising and having unlimited resources is so great. I'm working 3 days a week and am kicking myself for not getting involved earlier that the election is less than a month away. Most of the volunteers during the day are retired and there is even a 90 year old man that comes in! It's so inspirational to me to see so many people so dedicated and work so hard for what they believe in.

Volunteering (Part 1)

Instead of sitting around watching my ass grow as I fused to my couch I decided to start doing some volunteer work. So when I stumbled across this article about a woman in NYC who is rescuing kittens I was really excited. I emailed her and let her know I wad recently laid off and an animal lover who read her article and would love to help out. She responded quickly and wanted to know if I would foster cats in my home. As much as that idea appeals to me there is no way Hank would allow it. Hank by the way is my sweet cat who was an abused stray that adopted me. I never considered myself a "cat person" and never would have gotten a cat on my own but Hank has changed all of that for me.

Anyway the Little Kitten Rescue suggested I work with another group that runs a shelter on my side if town. She cc'd the woman in my email but the woman didn't respond my first few emails and when she did she came across as curt and rude. But I was determined to do something good and worthwhile with the free time I currently have and I know it's hard to determine a persons tone through email. She asked me to come to her apartment (which was no where near my apartment) to help her transport cats to a pet store to try to get them adopted. When I got there she made me wait in the hall for her. When she came out finally I knew my initial instincts were right I immediately disliked her. We got to the pet store and setup outside on the street. She told me that it costs $125 to adopt one of the cats but that it includes all their shots and they are spayed or neutered. In fact she had so many rules about who she adopts to that I'm not convinced she actually wanted to find homes for them.

Some if the rules made sense but one of them was that she didn't allow anyone to adopt just one cat. I understand that she doesn't want a cat to be lonely but if you are willing to open your home to an animal and give it love you should be able to without so many restrictions. Especially now when because of the economy so many pets are being given up or euthanized. Several people came by and played with the cats but there weren't any serious adopters’. Many people asked questions about them and I tried to be helpful but she was not. She didn't make eye contact or act interested in fact she seemed really put out by their questions. In fact one guy actually called her out on it and said exactly what I was thinking; he told her she was there to help find the cats hone but instead was unhelpful and rude. She was unfazed, later she told me that no one who'd come by had asked her the "right" questions. I realize that she obviously had a lot mire experience in this process than I have but...

After a few hours she started opening up to me. She told me that she had twenty cats, 20!! I admire what she was doing; I'm just not sure she hasn't lost sight of what she set out to do. Gradually her stories of living with 20 cats unfolded, she told me how she is constantly late for work because she is always cleaning up messes and how before she left a cat got sick down a file cabinet and she needed to clean it when she got home. She talked about how some cats will only pee in her tub or the bathroom sink, how she's has 3 laptops in 6 months because the cats always ruin them. No wonder she didn't want me to come in her apartment it must have been disgusting. After 5 hours I helped her take the cats back home and she asked me to come by Petco the next day to meet other volunteers and see how adoptions work there. I told her I would but instead I slept in and went to the computer place to use their Internet and job hunt. Of course I let her know and didn't feel bad about it since I knew other people would be there. All the next week I went back and forth about how I felt about working with her. Her heart had to be in the right place but I decided it wasn't what I was looking for. I wanted to volunteer during the week and she needed help on the weekends and I wanted to do something that made a difference and I didn't feel confident that she was focused on finding homes for the cats and kittens she had. Maybe she'd become too attached to them or maybe she'd become a crazy cat lady, either way it wasn't a good fit for me.

Love & Laughs

Simone Grant invited me to attend a night of comedy and match making at Comix. She'd been invited to write about the event on her blog and hopefully get the word out to improve attendance, and they definitely needed it. The guy/girl ratio was less than 1%. The first comedian and host of the event was Helen Hong, she was really cute and really funny which is more than I can say for most if the other comedians.

Helen explained how the concept came about and how the process worked. It seems that in Japan it's frowned upon for guys or girls to approach the opposite sex without an introduction so they'd start paying waiters to bring girls to their table and introduce them. That is where the idea for this event originated from. The way it worked is that after the comedians set an alarm would go off and the lights would come up. The comedian would pick a man or a woman from the audience and then they would walk through the crowd to match them up. The matches didn't go all that well most if the time they just plopped a guy down at a table full of girls and them gave them all shots. In fact one guy who was the best looking guy there and admitted to being "kind of in a relationship" was matched up three different times.

Simone and I didn't get picked to match up which I was very relieved about. I don't think any love matches were actually made that night but I thought the concept was a good one and could make for a really fun evening. But they really need to advertise it better and try to even out the guy/girl ratio. The next event is October 24th.

You can read Simone's blog about the event here.